A Simple Thing Called Love

not going to sch tmrw.
coz havent finished revising for bio test.
and i dont wanna fail man.
tdae sucked.
we did some assignment and thats it.
the time ive been waiting for has ended.
so fast, so unhappily.
she isnt smiling anymore.
issit me?
issit her own personal probs?
issit the heavy workload?
if its me, i dnoe what to do.
ive already apologised and i dont wanna keep pestering her.
her own personal probs, i cant do anything.
but i'll always be arnd for her if she needs me.
heavy workload maybe?
well, i can help her.
and she can you knw, take a break larh.
i know how our school can get at times.
anw, my only concern is that i cant see her tmrw.
tsk. that few mins of walking past her and stuff.
im gonna miss it.
i want her to get back to normal.
she always smiles and jokes and stuff.
that cheery person i love.
the person who treats me well, though she knows abt my feelings for her.
anw, i gotta go now.
i wish i can comfort you.
i wish i can cheer you up.
i wish we can talk about things.
i wish my wishes will come true.
but i realise that my wishes
will only remain as wishes...

30 July 2006

10:15 PM

been really worried this past few days.
ever since the whole msging incident, she hasnt been talking to me properly.
honestly, it was an accident.
the msg was meant for roy.
and i happened to be thinking of her at tht time.
so ended up searching for her name and sending it to her.
and i didnt realise till her sister msg me.
oh man.
i was freaking out after tht.
literally cried the whole night.
then went to apologise to her.
she said its okay.
then told her i'd appreciate it if she could show me some respect and not tell those bitches what i tell her.
she said she has already told them.
oh wells.
though she said it was okay many times, i think shes unhappy larh.
or else why did she hafta tell her sister?
and why hasnt she been talking to me properly?
not even smiling at me?
friends say that she doesnt believe me abt the whole thing being an accident.
she has to, thr is no other way.
what else can i do besides apologise?
maybe she isnt talking that much coz shes stressed?
i dnoe, seriously.
i juz hope she'll start being normal towards me again.
coz thats what keeps me going in life.
please make her talk to me tmrw, please.
falling head over heels
thought i knew how it feels
but with you its like the first day of my life..

24 July 2006

9:00 PM

i had a really bad day.
really wanted to go back home and stuff.
but hazie wanted company for SS.
so she forced me to stay.
and i totally screwed up the test.
my handwriting was horrible.
and i dnoe what the hell i wrote.
i even had time to sleep man.
the whole day was spent with a throbbing headache.
did i actually wait for tdae, the 3periods of heavenly bliss, to get hurt?
why is she doing this?
im so miserable now okay.
H is a nice person, then why?
the way she called shamini and kept touching her made me so angry and unhappy.
i never had intentions to hurt anyone deliberately.
looks like now i have.
and i expected her to talk to me.
but not what she said.
"shamita, why is shamini so upset?"
shes not even upset larh.
i know tht shamini for 2.5 years alright.
she doesnt really have feelings man.
ive rarely, really rarely seen her sad.
why should she be sad?
shes NATURALLY so clever.
unlike me struggling here.
okay fine, maybe shes upset.
but isnt it coz of stress?
hello? if she is stressed, then what abt pple like me?
very relaxed arh?
how come she doesnt notice all these?
how come she only noticed the fact that SHAMINI is upset?
maybe she noticed. -shrugs
but doesnt bother abt me.
she cares only abt SHAMINI.
doesnt shamini realise im no longer close to her?
i dont even talk that much.
coz i cant help it.
im jealous, frustrated and tired of it.
okay shamini, you're upset.
coz i BEGGED you countless number of times to not talk to H rite?
fine, go ahead.
talk all you want, flirt all you want.
so that you wont be upset.
and dont fcking care abt me.
coz if you do, i'll scream at you.
its so ironical.
this morning when i told shamini that H came, she was so sad.
she doesnt even wanna see H.
who was the happy one?
when H was injured, she didnt even worry one bit.
who was the worried one?
she doesnt even say nice things abt H.
who always supports H?
doesnt she notice all the little things in life?
who pulled a table and chair for her tdae?
who makes sure that pple dont talk bad stuff abt her?
who, dammit.
ME, rite?
notice the irony?
she cares NOT abt me.
ive got nothing to say larh seriously.
go ahead, both of you.
talk everyday, care abt each other everyday, walk down the rotunda tgether everday.
juz continue.
im not stopping you.
how many tears i'd have cried?
hope she thinks abt it, seriously.
and shamini, im not gonna beg you anymore.
its not one day or one week.
you've been doing this to me for THREE DAMN YEARS.
do i need to go to school tmrw? tsk.

23 July 2006

6:33 PM

okay so finally uploaded pics frm hasinah's bdae.

didnt manage to study anyth this weekend.

i cant wait for tmrw larh.

3 periods of heavenly bliss.

yes, ive been waiting long for this.

oh no, thr is lit test!

tskk. fck it.

im so not in the mood for revision.

need a damn break.

20 July 2006

8:48 PM

tdae was good.
no, actually juz okay larh.
she came tdae.
i was so shocked when i saw her.
then went to search for info on what happened to her.
and found it. (:
i was so worried and concerned for her.
i mean, its not safe to drive tht way rite?
and i cannot believe i actually told her tht.
hehs. so many things left unsaid.
anw, im making her a card.
thought of buying her one initially.
bt money is nothing.
its juz pay and done.
doesnt show love, care and concern.
not really anw.
so im gonna make a card.
bought the stuffs and all already.
gonna work on it later.
till late at night.
my art really sucks.
so im gonna give it my BEST shot.
hope it turns out beautiful.
but even if it doesnt, at least it'd show my care and concern.
i guess?

19 July 2006

10:28 PM

days seem like weeks without you baby.
please come back.
this week has been terrible so far.
been in low spirits with no one to make me smile.
and the bitches hv been making me so angry tht i'll juz show them the finger.
stupid childish FBIs.
haha.
LL has been a real sweetie this week.
cheering me up with hugs.
to hazie's dismay.

15 July 2006

1:35 PM

oh man.
im not enjoying my weekend.
lots of work to do.
ss,geog mock exams.
emaths,hmt tests.
o lvl lc.
sheesh.
can we pls have a break?
sometimes i really feel like giving up.
but ive come this far, so im juz gonna persevere on.
did well for amaths test.
but thats coz we alr knw the questions i guess.
as in, it was frm the hol hmwk.
anw, my weekend is totally horrible.
im missing her so much.
evrything abt her.
hope time flies.
so tht i can see her soon.
till then, ive gotta go mug.
tskk. irritating.

13 July 2006

8:23 PM

so many ups and downs in life.
monday:
watched world cup final.
it ended at 5 and headed to sch.
so tiredd pls.
i went coz i'll be seeing her on monday what.
whether you wanna believe it or not, i spoke to her.
the feeling was so nice tht i didn't regret coming to sch.
but i accidentally told her what shamini said abt her.
and i didnt realise the seriousness till shamini refused to believe tht i told her tht.
then we planned what to tell her if she asks larh.
yeah thats what happened i guess.
apart from the freaking long lessons we had.
tuesday:
tuesdays are sucky.
dont really get to see her.
but i had o lvl hmt oral.
during council investiture, z came.
haha, she has changed?
but still nice larh.
i was looking at her and i wanted to cry.
but i didnt wanna get emo before o lvls.
so i forced myself to turn away.
she looked nice in heels. (;
oral was so screwed.
nothing we practised actually came out.
and i was darn nervous i cant even rmb what i said.
anw, its finally over.
wednesday:
she touched shamini right in front of my eyes.
that image juz haunts me.
and i totally broke down after she left.
my classmates saboed me!
they made me uhm..(thinks howta not make it so obv) "talk" in front of her.
i was blushing so much and my voice juz disappeared man!
i guess i finished "talking" with a shaky voice?
and hazie juz laughed and laughed.
and then my turn to laugh at hazie.
"Lucy was surprised!" HAHA.
then came the big blow.
she spoke to shamini AGAIN dammit.
and said tht shes pissed off with me.
it was meant to scare me.
but no, it only hurt me.
really, really hurt.
i broke dwn dnoe how many times.
and i was feeling so miserable.
i was jealous tht she always talks to shamini.
i was hurt tht she didnt understand why i didnt give her shamini's number.
i was confused whether i shd be mad at shamini or not.
i was feeling so betrayed by the both of them.
shamini was like.. flirting with her man.
and she seems to like shamini a lot.
the image of the pain you caused(though not deliberately), can be seen on my wrist.
happy?
thursday:
one word, JOY.
started off the day being mad at her and shamini.
was trying to be dao.
i was juz so upset larh.
then i wanted to apologise to her abt pissing her off.
but i was scared.
i juz went ahead anw.
and guess what?
she tells me it was juz a joke.
after all that pain i went through.
sheesh. i was happy anw.
told her i wasnt scared but hurt.
i honestly wasnt scared, only upset.
then she apologised. (so sweet rite?)
i always fall for those with inner beauty.
yeah anw, i told her it was too late.
and she asked me to be extra happy and touched my back.
i was blushing already man.
after months, shes touching me.
i was so happy, the feeling of flying thru heaven with angels.
yes sweets, you've made me EXTRAEXTRA happy tdae.
thank you so much.
workload has been rising and rising.
tskk, so sick of work.
the only reason i make it to sch is her.
every morning at 5am, the thought of seeing her drags me out of bed and to sch.
isnt it juz amazing?
i still come when i dont get to see her coz who knws, she might juz walk past me.
without her, sch will be terrible and extremely miserable.
thank god. (:
english oral tmrw.
gonna go off to practise now.
and serena, thank you for being thr for me.
oh yeah, hazie cheer up.
shes coming back to spore next week.
shes not MIGRATING thr, alright hunnehs?

12 July 2006

10:46 PM

hasinah's bdae ystrdae.
after sch they came over to my place to celebrate hasinah's bdae.
hazie, adilah, sofia, shamini and hasinah.
went to get the cake for hasinah.
yummy chocolate cake.
then ordered kfc over.
we were all so broke man.
watched exorcism of emily rose.
wasnt really enjoying myself much though.
coz of the incident at sch.
the stupid, desperate bitches followed her to my class.
hazie said ms ho looked at me when she came inside the class. :X
then she was talking and stuff.
and i was juz my usual self larh.
i didnt dare admire her or anyth.
and the fcking bitches juz stood outside and laughed.
what was i expecting?
lunatics laugh for no reason what.
they were so clearly looking at me larh.
sheesh.
hazie and i think tht they told her smth abt me.
hazie said she looked at me when she was going off.
im sure they must have bitched abt me to her.
i keep seeing them arnd in sch.
my eyes are so sore from seeing them.
it seems like tht fat asshole needs to puke.
duh. she eats so much then of course wanna puke larh.
haha, thats funny.
anw theres no way they can make me jealous.
coz i dont love her anymore.
shes so yesterday baby.
HAHA.
btw, i take my words back abt them being bitches.
that would be being too merciful to them.
i think tht this thing between us is so childish larh.
sadly, i dont see an end to it.
coz they are refusing to end it.
im not gonna give a damn abt their shit larh.
no one seems to be taking my feelings seriously.
not even my friends.
its a MAJOR MAJOR crush okay.
at least #26 seems to be taking my feelings seriously. (can i be sure of that?)
was msging her abt things larh.
its great being friends with her.
so frm now on, i must think of her as my friend ONLY.
when i saw her ystrdae, i told myself to say hie.
it was a futile attempt.
but she said hie to me. (:
and she walked off so fast i couldnt say hie back.
still, i felt good.
i smiled, dnoe if she realised.
#26 makes a good friend.
and im satisfied as long as we can be friends.
and like i said, tht woman, is so yesterday.
blogged on 08 july.

04 July 2006

7:13 PM

been long since i blogged.
so busy since sch started.
i juz came to blog abt one stuff in particular.
take some weight off my heart.
ive been noticing her lots recently.
and i dont see anyth beautiful abt her.
yet smth so beautiful abt her.
its confusing and i dun wanna think abt it anymre.
i juz wanna go back to the past.
when she didnt know that i had feelings for her.
rmb the time when sofia was putting henna for her.
and i touched her fingers and she asked me why my fingers were so cold.
and sofia went on to say tht my fingers get cold when my crush is arnd.
how i wanna go back to tht day.
or to the days when i wished her gd luck for mid yrs.
haii.
hazie totally made me mad juz now.
went to tell her that i love her.
and we started playing catching with water after tht.
she has beauty.
beauty that can only be admired from afar, not taken.
#26, you're beautiful.
but ive got no feelings for you okay.
we're juz friends frm now.
gotta go study now.
ciaoz.

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